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Parent PLUS Loan Repayment

Started by debtfreedreamer, July 12, 2021, 08:35:36 am

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debtfreedreamer

Hi! I'm a newbie to the site and looking for advice.
My husband and I have paid down a significant amount of debt in the past two years. He only has $20,000 in private student loans left to pay and this feels so much more manageable than where we started.
His parents took our Parent PLUS loans that I was not aware of when we got married. They have never shared the full picture with me and it is extremely frustrating as I am the one who manages the money in our relationship. I am aware that we are not legally obligated to pay the loans back but, I do feel a sense or moral obligation. I have been asking for the loan information for months but haven't gotten anything. What makes the situation complicated is that they consolidated his siblings loans into one lump sum. I know his brother is not repaying his parents and I don't think he has any intention to repay them. His sister might be repaying them but no one has confirmed that with me either.
We have one child and another one due in 2 weeks. I want to be able to save money for them and feel a huge financial burden weighing over me with these Parent PLUS loans and in laws who would like us to pay them back but will not share information.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!

TheCollegeInvestor

Honestly, as you said, it's their debt, not yours. And if they consolidated it and mixed it all up with your husbands siblings, how are you planning to sort that out.

There's no real financial advice here to help, but maybe some personal advice.

I'd simply take care of your own debt first. Then, I'd sit them down (only if you want to), and say we'd help with husband's share of the debt, you need to come clean about your finances. No more hiding. If you want the help, that's the offer. If you don't want the help, that's the end of it.

You might remind them that everything is going to come to light at some point - whether now by choice, or when they're older (due to inability to manage their own money), or when they're dead. It's so much easier to work on things now when they're alive, but too many parents make it hard on their kids. You need to gently explain to them that you're not judging, and it's better to work on it now than later. They don't have anything you won't eventually know, so why hide it?

debtfreedreamer

Thank you, I really appreciate it. I share the same thoughts but because I am the in law in this situation, I don't think my point of view is even considered or respected. It's a tough spot to be in and I don't want to seem like a monster, I care for my in laws but they've put us in a very awkward position.

Hiding the information that we need to help understand the situation is only making it worse.